Delphic Maxim 87: Accuse one who is present
I’ve set myself the challenge of responding to each Delphic Maxim for 15 minutes a day.
87. Accuse one who is present
When I first read this maxim, my mind went to a scene in an episode of Futurama. A series of murders has taken place in the Planet Express office — committed by Leela — and the investigator is the hapless Dr Zoidberg. He gathers everyone into the ‘accusing parlour’ to ‘gradually solve the crime’. And during this process, of course, Leela progressively kills everyone who attempts to accuse her of committing the murders.
The scene sticks with me not just because I find it hysterically funny, but because I find the structure of the social interaction pretty intriguing. Why, for example, does Planet Express have ‘an accusing parlour’? What function would a room like this serve on a regular basis? Obviously it must have some use, otherwise employees of the company would be unfamiliar with the location and purpose of the room. Zoidberg clearly recognises that it is the appropriate place to bring everybody, given the task at hand (accusing someone who is present of murder).
But then why would he feel the need to accuse a person in their presence? This is exactly what leads to the deaths of everyone in the room except Fry: they are attempting to accuse the most intelligent and physically competent member of the staff, doing so in a confined space is hugely dangerous.
I think there’s a degree of integrity associated with accusing someone in their presence. My friend Jason used to accuse people of bitching about him behind his back by roaring at them “say it to my face!” There’s few ways to be evasive when confronted like this — and the act of confronting someone is a measure of seriousness. I suppose in a sense it’s more honourable as well, and in previous daily maxims we’ve explored the idea of honour and its central role in ancient ethical systems.
Accusing someone behind their back might be strategic — a kind of Game of Thrones-inspired skulduggery perhaps — but it can also backfire. It may appear dishonest. The act of accusing someone in their presence also allows their reaction to be gauged, depending what exactly it is that someone is being accused of doing.
It’s also interesting that over the past week or so, many of the maxims have centred around the administration and practice of justice and judgement: judge incorruptibly, make just judgements, restrain the tongue. I think today’s maxim — accusing one who is present — is a way of promoting the virtues of prudence and temperance. It encourages us to withhold judgement and accusations until we are confident, and to avoid potentially spreading mistruths about a person without giving them the capability to defend themselves.
This is a weird maxim to translate into contemporary life. We don’t really go around ‘accusing’ people, so I suppose this boils down to being open and honest with people around us — particularly if we have a problem that we need to address. Don’t be bitchy.
And if you find yourself regularly accusing people, perhaps it’s time to build an accusing parlour.
