Delphic Maxim 83: Keep yourself from insolence
I’ve set myself the challenge of responding to each Delphic Maxim for 15 minutes a day.
83. Keep yourself from insolence
Rudeness is one of the worst qualities in a person. People tend to hear the word insolence and equate it to ‘insubordination’, but it doesn’t require that kind of power relation to be a thing. Insolence is about being impolite, rude, objectionable and unnecessarily cruel when dealing with other people.
Why are people like this? Sometimes we wake up on the wrong side of bed and we’re in a grouchy mood — that’s totally human and understandable. But it’s important to check yourself when you’re going about the world, because carrying your grouchy mood out to other people is a surefire way to make your day even worse (unless you’re lucky enough to have people who make a conscious effort to lift you out of it).
It’s fine to be in a bad mood from time to time, but when that does happen we need to acknowledge that to ourselves and make an effort to smile. Or even to admit to other people that we’re having a bad day — you’ll find that the sympathy and understanding other people have will help lift you out of that mood.
I’ve never found any value in being insolent and rude — when those times have come about it’s been a particularly unpleasant experience. I regret it afterwards and feel the need to apologise. And when someone treats me that way, oh my god is it draining.
I spoke about elections yesterday, and one of the common experiences I have on election day is a voter coming up to me — usually old enough to know better, and always a conservative — and heaping abuse on me for representing the Labor party. Why is it necessary to do this? Aren’t we able to disagree politely? Democracy, after all, is about managing our disagreements and competing interests in a relatively civil way — it’s not necessary to be rude to a person that you’ve never met before.
This person specifically asked if I was from the Labor party (despite my wearing a big red shirt that said ‘Labor’), and then proceeded to smugly call me and the party I support a whole bunch of rude epithets, and tore up a how-to-vote card in my face. Totally unnecessary — he could have just politely walked past me without saying anything. When I go to vote I don’t howl down the conservative parties, I just smile and politely decline their how-to-votes.
Avoiding insolence — being polite, really — also opens up possibilities for agreement and conversation. Even with people we disagree with! At that same election I ended up chatting to a representative of the Australian Conservatives — a party platform with which I passionately disagree — and we had a grand time. We talked about literature, about history, about our life and experiences, and we were even able to politely disagree but still talk about politics.
Keeping ourselves in the register of politeness is a vital skill for life in a hyper-connected, mega social world. It’s not just good for the people around us, it’s good for ourselves, our learning, our social connectedness.
So hold off on the rudeness — restrain your tongue — and see how much further it gets you! I guarantee your day will be that much more pleasant.
