Delphic Maxim 35: Listen to everyone

I’ve set myself the challenge of responding to each Delphic Maxim for 15 minutes a day.

35. Listen to everyone

One of the most consistent themes that has come through these Maxims so far is the idea that community and collegiality is an important part of life. While individualism might be the dominant mode of our thinking today, the Delphic Maxims serve as a bit of a reminder that we are part of a broader community, and a fulfilled life isn’t achieved without fully developing ourselves as a part of that.

So the idea that we should listen to everyone, I think, sits really comfortable within that ethical framework. Listening to everyone is a meaningful act in the world for our own sake (because there is so much to learn from the people around us), and for the sake of the communities which we are a part of (because the more people listen to one another, the more they are able to effectively communicate).

Listening to everyone doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing, of course. But to listen first probably best involves deferring judgement — this is a callback to ‘being impartial’ from a few days ago. And that doesn’t mean listening in order to disagree! Arguments where people do this are incredibly frustrating (and I’m sure there are plenty of occasions where I do that myself)!

The act of listening involves processing what a person is saying to you. Think of it as a kind of mindfulness meditation — truly listening to someone means focusing closely on what they’re saying, becoming absorbed in the conversation, following the stream of thought as it flows here and there, riding a boat down the river of dialogue, going with the current and not fighting against it. Listening involves turning over in your mind what your interlocutor is saying, giving it the proper weight of consideration and responding in a way that opens up possibilities, rather than shuts them down.

In the inane debate about freedom of speech we have these days, not enough attention is paid to who has the freedom to listen. The strongest defenders of free speech often don’t take the time to listen (perhaps if their speech weren’t so bloody free — because it’s always the privileged who defend free speech — then they might shut up and listen).

I don’t generally support the whole ‘no-platforming’ position, at least as far as genuine intellectual discussion goes. I try to listen to everyone, especially when I disagree with someone. When I do this, I always find that the people most genuinely prepared to listen and learn are always the ones that I want to hear from the most. The people who are happy to rant and rave, those with the freedom and platform to talk and not listen, are often the least interesting (not all the time of course, but often).

We can make our public debate less toxic if we listen more and shout less. And we make our lives more interesting and informed if we privately make more of an effort to listen to the people around us.

Practice this where you can! Listen — truly listen — and ask just one question that encourages each person you talk to to give you more to listen to. “Can you tell me more about that?” is so easy, it makes people feel more respected and interesting, and you’ll learn something along the way (maybe even about yourself).