Delphic Maxim 112: Do away with enmities

I’ve set myself the challenge of responding to each of the Delphic Maxims for 15 minutes a day.

112. Do away with enmities

I’ve never been able to hold a grudge. I think this is a good quality in a person, and one that I’m fairly proud of. I have never seen the point in reserving so much anger and loathing for a person that I allow it to consume my energy. That shouldn’t suggest that I never get cranky — I do — but I don’t let that carry onwards into an ongoing hatred.

Even people I regard as my enemies — politically, intellectually, whatever — I am prepared to listen to, even come around to understanding their point of view. I don’t hold on to rage and hate, because it’s not especially productive and if I did it would be a weird use of my time to give it up so comprehensively to someone I didn’t like.

This is a nice and peaceful maxim. It’s good advice for life, because life is too short for grudges. Perhaps it was the peaceful air around Delphi that inspired the ancients to carve this one into the temple, but it makes a lot of sense to me. And it’s particularly relevant in our sped-up world of hot-takes and polarised opinions.

I’m sure some people read a lack of enmity or grudge-holding as a sort of capitulation. It’s as though not standing firm by a strident hatred is somehow compromising on an ideological or rational position. It isn’t. You are perfectly able to let go of the hate and intensity of an emotional response while still holding to a particular reasoned position. It’s actually from this place that you make your best decisions (though, per Flyvbjerg and Foucault, they aren’t always your most powerful decisions — but that’s a matter for another time).

Locking in to a particular character judgement is a sign of mental and emotional inflexibility, and that’s not a good thing. As much as we may feel slighted, and we may well have been, it’s important that we have the mental strength to bounce back. Think of the way the feuding Montagues and Capulets in Romeo and Juliet are paralysed by their ‘ancient enmity’, and the tragic consequences of that futile grudge.

Today’s maxim is a zen reminder to let go of anger and rage, because it isn’t worth your energy.